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Of all the holiday’s we celebrate in our modern world, Valentines Day seems to be the one with the murkiest roots. The Feast of St. Valentine, February 14, was established by Pope Gelasius at the end of the 5^th century. St. Valentine, though one of the most recognizable saints in our modern world, is one that we really know very little about. We believe that he lived in the 3^rd century, that he was a clergyman who ministered to persecuted Christians, and that he was martyred. But the details of his ministry and why he is associated as patron of courtly love, epilepsy, and beekeepers is muddy at best (in fact, there are three St. Valentines listed in the early martyrologies, we don’t even really know which we are celebrating). In the absence of records, we rely on legend to draw our understanding of St. Valentine and the life (or lives) that has brought forth one of the largest commercial holidays of our time.

One legend says that St. Valentine restored the sight of the blind daughter of Judge Asterius when put to the test while proclaiming the validity of Jesus. An act that led to the conversion of the Judge, the release of Christian inmates, and the baptism of his household. Another legend says that St. Valentine defied the order of the emperor Claudius and secretly performed Christian weddings for couples, which allowed the husbands to escape army conscription at the time. It is also said that before his execution in 269, St. Valentine wrote a note to Asterius’ daughter, Julia, signed “From, Your Valentine,” which is said to have inspired today’s Valentine note giving traditions.

Wherever the truth lies in these legends, I find that Valentines Day is lovely highlight in the dark, cold months of the year. Perhaps it has been embellished at the hands of the card companies and flower shops, but I don’t really see a downside to the celebration of love, whether it be romantic or familial, friendly or universal. Love is good and important and very much worth celebrating, what better way than with chocolate and flowers.

It just so happens that my husband’s birthday falls the day before Valentines Day. He’s not much of a birthday guy and he doesn’t get too hung up on commercial holidays, but we’ll usually have a nice dinner out to celebrate both occasions and it’s a good time to reflect on how I can I love him better and how we can show up for each other to make our marriage something exceptional.

Because love is not about what you receive from the other person, love is about giving. Giving your time, your patience, your preferences, your understanding for the benefit of the other. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians lays it out so clearly for us.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

When I was growing up, I spent many of my days at my closest friend’s Grandparents house. Grandma and Grandpa Lenox lived nearby on a beautiful little lake. Our childhood summers were spent there, jumping off their dock, playing card games in their den and having sleepovers in their basement. Grandma Lenox was the most welcoming host, always making sure you were well fed, comfortable and had everything you needed. Grandpa Lenox was fun and energetic. He was the life of the party. He loved singing and playing games and he loved having “his girls” visit. They were like bonus grandparents to me, and I am forever grateful for all the days I enjoyed at the lake.

Shortly after Grandma Lenox passed, I went out to the lake to visit Grandpa. I was newly married with a one-year-old in tow. We had lovely time visiting and he loved seeing my daughter play. Though aging and battling health issues and mourning the loss of his beloved wife, Rose, he was still his jolly self.  At one moment, between the laughter, he turned to me and asked how my husband was. I said he was doing well. At that moment, he held my arm tightly and he said, very seriously, “Don’t you forget, your job is to get each other to heaven.” I smiled and nodded. He said again, “I’m serious, you must help each other get to heaven.”

I think about that moment often. I have so many beautiful, wonderful memories with Grandpa Lenox. I can still see his happy face greet me with arms wide for the biggest Grandpa hug. But this memory may be my favorite, because it is the most important and because it embodies what he was all about. He knew the love of Jesus and he wanted to spread that love everywhere he went. Because “Love rejoices in the truth.” Grandma and Grandpa had their trials, their sufferings, and heartaches – but they knew the truth of Jesus and they rejoiced in it. They rejoiced so well.

As we approach Valentines Day, heed Grandpa Lenox’s words of wisdom and remember why you’re here. In whatever relationship or vocation you’ve been called to in these days, remember that our job is to get each other to heaven.

That’s what love is about.