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I lay on the table at my physical therapy appointment, taking the time to heal these hips and this back that has carried six precious babes to earth side. It’s a service I can’t help but feel a little guilty about – with the scheduling and the copays and the babysitter fees, but it’s important. My body needs healing.

We only have another few minutes left in my appointment when my phone rings, I see on my watch it’s my husband. My physical therapist says, “it’s ok if you need to take that.” “No, it’s ok, it’s my husband. He’s on the road a lot for work, He likes to call to say ‘Hi,’ I’ll call back when I’m done.” She replies, “that’s sweet, my husband knows I can’t talk when I’m with patients, but I do get texts throughout the day, and he knows when my lunch is and that I like to eat outside, so sometimes he surprises me during my lunch break.”

There we were, two busy women, blessed with good husbands, learning how to be loved well.

There was a time when frequent calls throughout the day would bother me. I’d think “doesn’t he know that I’m busy?” I’d answer the phone with a chip on my shoulder and try to get off the phone quickly to get onto my next task. It wasn’t that long ago that I realized that sometimes I’m not great at letting myself be loved.

My primary love language (for expressing, that is) is Acts of Service, followed by Quality time, a few lightyears after that. I like Acts of Service – I really don’t mind the cooking and the cleaning, I like to serve my family in that way, that is, if I have the time to do it. But when life becomes rushed and the tasks pile up (as they have for the better part of the last 10 years) I become hyper focused on keeping up with the acts of service and tend to forget all the other ways I can be showing my love. In contrast, my husband is much more versatile in the five love languages. I’m envious of how well he loves us. He’s the gentler one at bedtime, he’s the patient one during board games, he gives thoughtful gifts and he’s always good at greeting us with a hug at the end of a long day. In time, I’ve grown to love that he calls so many times a day, just to say hi and to see how I’m doing. I’m blessed to be loved well by him.

We live in a time where “self-care” is the buzz word among busy moms. And to be clear – I am all for it. We can’t pour from an empty cup and time to ourselves or with adults is good. Baths, pedicures, Mom’s Nights Out are vitally important. We should normalize scheduling them into our weeks and months. I’m a big believer in self-care.

But I also wonder if maybe that isn’t the only kind of care we need to grow in. Maybe being cared for is also a missing piece. Maybe we need to allow the people who love us to care for us well. Surely our spouses, but also our friends. Our lives are fast paced and it’s so easy to move from one task to the next, to keep serving but forget why we serve. I’ve been loved well throughout my whole life, by my family and my friends. In my marriage I’ve certainly been blessed with a husband who loves well. And even recently, in the highs and lows of a growing family and the loss of a parent – I’ve been given close friends who love really well. They help without asking for anything in return, they give without condition, and they love regardless of how well-equipped I’ve been to love back. I think maybe God has put these people in my life to teach me something important in this season of life, to teach me how to be loved.

One of the greatest lessons I learned after my mom’s passing was allowing the people in my village to hold me and my family up. For someone who really loves the idea of community and working together to make things happen, I tend to bulldoze and do all the hard things myself. But there was this voice in my head, it was Mom’s voice. I could hear her saying,

“Lees, you must give people the opportunity to live out the Acts of Mercy, both Corporal and Spiritual. You’re hurting and you have to let them love you.”

This is a valuable lesson: To let people love you. Let them feed you, let them pray for you, let them help you with the mundane tasks, and let them mourn with you.

The Acts of Mercy, Corporal and Spiritual, are so vital to the Christian life and yet I think they have fallen by the wayside a bit in our current cultural situation. We know it ”takes a village,” but families have been spread out geographically, schedules have been overrun and there are lot of hardened hearts in our time. The practicality of really living the acts of mercy is hard and frankly, uncomfortable, especially when we’re on the receiving end. But our call to perform and receive these acts of mercy is vitally important.

The Corporal Acts of Mercy are the acts of merciful care that pertain to the body. They are:

1. To feed the hungry
2. To give drink to the thirsty
3. To clothe the naked
4. To harbor the harborless
5. To visit the sick
6. To ransom the captive
7. To bury the dead.

These can be found in the books of Isaiah, Proverbs, Matthew, Luke, John and Revelation. They are listed in their almost complete form in Matthew Chapter 25 with Jesus is talking of the final judgment. He says,

“And he will separate them from one another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then, the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave me food, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.” Matthew 25: 32-37

The Spiritual Acts of Mercy are those merciful acts that are oriented towards the soul, They are;

1. To instruct the ignorant
2. To counsel the doubtful
3. To admonish sinners
4. To bear wrongs patiently
5. To forgive offenses willingly
6. To comfort the afflicted
7. To pray for the living and the dead

These can feel particularly uncomfortable in today’s world. No one really wants to “admonish the sinner,” or “forgive offenses willingly.” Yet, these are crucial acts for Christians to normalize. We must learn to be admonished and we must learn to forgive. These are also found throughout scripture. 2 Timothy 4:1-2 says,

“I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingly power; proclaim the word, be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient; convince, reprimand, encourage through all patience and teaching.”

And the book of Sirach also instructs:

“Be generous to all the living and withhold not your kindness from the dead. Avoid not those who weep but mourn with those who mourn.” Sirach 33–3

Jesus didn’t lay out these directions as optional, they are necessary. When we allow others to care for us, we allow them to take part in the very life of Christ. We give those who love us the opportunity to live out their faith in love, and that love in action drives us closer to the Kingdom.

During these final weeks of lent, take some time to reflect on how you’re doing at being loved. 

We can start to understand Christ’s love for us by learning how worthy we are of love. We can show our gratitude for Christ’s sacrifice, by allowing others to love us too